I feel terrible.

I didn't know that I would feel so terrible about myself after that class. As the night has gone on, I can't stop replaying what went down in the class tonight over and over in my mind. I feel terrible. I feel like a terrible person and that everything is my fault. And I do mean everything. I thought the idea was to expose sin in our lives and show us who God created us to be... why do I feel like a terrible person. I feel terrible for things I cannot change and things I didn't even know I was doing or did until tonight. I feel absolutely terrible.

I feel like a quitter because all I want to do is stop going to the class. That was one of the most painful experiences I've had in a long time and I guess it's supposed to be for good, but I am still feeling worse and worse and now feeling like Jack and his whole family would be better off for not knowing me. I feel like I am the cause of everything that has gone wrong in their lives. I feel like a complete failure.

The worst part is -- the class is only going to get more painful. Next week we are diving into how we have been hurt.

One of my biggest fears in life is that people would think I was a liar. "There is just no way this could happen." "There is NO WAY that much could happen to one person." Those comments are making it hard for me to even think about continuing on in a class like that. I want to email Nola or call her tomorrow and talk to her about it. I want to talk to her about Joel's comment about how he thinks there is just no way I was telling the truth.

How can I look at my husband now? How can he look at ME is more like it. How can he stand to look at me when all of this is my fault. How can I live with myself. Look at how I have broken this family. Look at how much better they would have been without me.

How do I manage to ruin everything I touch.