Struggling with my Testimony

I am taking a class at my church called Character Development. On the first night of class we each had to share our testimonies, so I did for the first time in my life. I know it needs polishing and I'm trying to work on the best way to share it. I know that God created every person differently and their testimonies are far from the same from person to person and that each testimony is important to God and that He uses each story to teach a lesson or to impact someone's life in one way or another. I know that everything in my testimony is true and that by me sharing my experiences in life and with Jesus that it may impact someone. Maybe out of 1,000 people that I could potentially share my testimony with, one person will be touched and that one person is so important.

I have struggled with and overcome many things in my short 22 years on this Earth. In those 22 years, I have struggled with emotional and sexual abuse, my parents divorce, losing friends, losing grandparents, losing loved ones, rape, promiscuity, drugs, alcohol and depression. I was not brought up with any religion and there was no bible anywhere to be found in our home. I am number three out of four kids, I have an older sister and older brother as well as a younger brother. When I was nine, my parents were divorced and the next ten years were filled with painful custody battles, traveling back and forth between mom and dad's and a lot of fighting. I never got along with any of my siblings at all and my parents barely tolerated me. I began to get in trouble in school and where the teachers in our small town used to be happy to get one of us four in their class, we became infamous and troubled.

Through the years, the four of us moved back and forth between the two houses and the two different set of rules. One parent being completely distant with no rules and the other completely broken and depressed with very strict rules. My dad appeared to have continued on with his life and my mom went down this painful downward spiral. My older sister tried to commit suicide in 9th grade. My older brother began to do drugs in middle school and was in and out of every rehab facility in a 50 mile radius. My younger brother was expelled from his elementary school and middle school for acting out. The summer before 9th grade, I also tried to end my life.

In high school, I began to hang out with my brother's friends who all did drugs and were headed no where in life. I had friends that I went to the mall with and shoplifted whatever I could fit into my stolen purses. I drank alcohol nearly every night and barely got by in school. I began to struggle with bulimia and my overall appearance. I was extremely depressed and could not wait to get out of that place. I began dating a boy and thought he was everything I would ever need in life. He was violent and angry and after a pregnancy scare when I was 17, he broke up with me.

College began and I was still drinking and by this time, I was dating another friend of my brother's. He was emotionally broken and he would do whatever he could to make me feel as bad as he felt. His parents were terrible alcoholics and I was sucked into his downward spiral of a life as I tried to "help" him out. I always knew there was a better life out there and I encouraged him not to do drugs and we began to cut back drastically on our drinking and partying. One day out of the blue, he broke up with me. I was bartending at a local bar and grill to get through college and a bar regular asked me out. I only dated him for a few months and that ended when he date raped me.

I had never felt more broken in my life. I began to experiment with marijuana and I drank much more heavily. I went to work stoned or drunk most days of the week. I got a fake ID and partied in bars. I was depressed and hated myself and hated my life more than anything. I finally began to hang out with a friend of mine more often. He was a straight shooter, the way I had always wanted to be. The way I was for a long time. He didn't do drugs, didn't drink and didn't smoke. This man never swore until he met me!

We began to date in December of 2005 and at Easter 2006, he took me to church with him and his family. I had always known of church and of God and I knew there WAS a God but I had no idea what to do to receive Jesus as my savior and I had no idea what kind of life came with Jesus Christ. We went to this awesome church service with tons of people at this big church that he had gone to since his childhood. Pastor Loren stood up above the congregation and had everyone bow their heads while he prayed and explained what happened when Jesus was crucified and buried and rose from the grave, and why Jesus rose again and that He was a living sacrifice for all of our sins. God so loved the world that He gave his only begotten son rang in my ears.We are all sinners and Jesus' blood paid the price for our sins and no man could get to the Father but through Jesus Christ. Then Pastor Loren said those ever so simple words, "If you would like to ask Jesus Christ into your heart, raise your hand." So I raised my hand and at that precious moment I understood what the song Amazing Grace was about. I was saved, by faith through grace.

Since that day, I have lost loved ones and felt the comfort of knowing that they were saved and I would see them again in heaven when I left this earth. I struggled and repented, I rejoiced and knew that I was fully known and fully loved by my savior Jesus Christ. The man who took me to church on Easter is now my husband and we are very happily married and we do as much as we can to try to make sure that God is the center of our lives and our marriage.