I'm in a funk. 15 DPO

I'm in a funk today. I'm 15 DPO and my last three temperatures have been below the coverline but I haven't started my period. I'm PMS'ing big time. I'm in a big haze too. For the last few days I've just been sitting around and the days have been flying by and I have hardly gotten out of bed. I don't get out to eat, I don't get up to get the mail, I certainly don't get up to clean. Our whole apartment is TRASHED. Literally.... I would not even want the mail man to see in here it is so awful.

I started making a autumn season table cloth and I messed it up and used colors that clashed so I didn't want to finish it. Now all of my sewing things are strewn about the dining room. The living room is littered with my crochet things. My crochet things are still all over the jeep from when we went to Michigan two weekends ago. I need to clean up all of my crafting messes. I am so overwhelmed by each mess that I don't even want to finish any of my projects.

I'm annoyed that in the last six months of trying I have made like 8 baby blankets fully intending to give each one to someone and every single one is still sitting in my "baby box". I'm so sick of baby stuff. I don't even want to TTC any more. I know six months is nothing, but I'm still sick of it. I'm sick of thinking about it EVERY SINGLE DAY.

My temperature this morning was 96.0. I'm sick of having low temperatures too. I'm sick of people getting pregnant around me. The more I think about it, the more people are having children. I'm angry with myself for telling ANYONE (even though only a handful of people know) that we are/were TTC. I hate that JL's cousin is almost 15 weeks now. I hate that his other cousin is over 20 weeks. I hate pregnant people right now.

I'm extra emotional from PMSing. I don't feel good. I'm just in a FUNK.

I hate being in FUNKS.

I want to start an etsy account and try my hand in making things to sell, seems easy enough. But... of course, for the 1038402834th time JL's work didn't deposit his direct deposit on time. I don't know what they think they're trying to pull but 85% of the time they don't deposit it until after he's received the paystub in the mail. Seriously. Every Friday he is supposed to get paid and it ends up being anywhere from Monday to sometimes the next Thursday that the money actually shows up in the account and then they do the same thing the next Friday. It's ridiculous. They claimed it was from switching banks and they needed to iron out the kinks, but that was months ago. And I asked my banker if it was anything to do with the bank at all and she said no. They flat out are not releasing the funds.

Also I'm thinking that since I am no longer TTC... that maybe I should get a job. I hate jobs. I hate working but I'm bored out of my mind lately. I don't know what to do with myself. I CERTAINLY am not looking forward to buying new clothes for a work wardrobe, but what can you do? I think I should get a job and stop thinking about TTC. Seriously. I want to be one of those blissfully ignorant people that just doesn't use birth control and flat out doesn't think about getting pregnant and when I'm 8 weeks pregnant I'll go, Oh! I'm pregnant! Whoopie!

But for now we are going to avoid... well starting whenever my dang period decides to show up. I want to lose weight... and with this funk I don't think over eating is going to be a problem these days.

I don't want to talk to anyone any more. I don't want to see anyone any more. I don't want to keep trying to make friends in this stupid new place because it is so disappointing. JL and I are nice people... why doesn't anyone want to be our friend???

I feel like I'm going to vomit. I hate food right now.

Did I mention I'm in a FUNK?